Phase 1: Results

I've learned a valuable lesson in life: Every time I quit on myself, I set myself back much further than where I started. Over the years I've tracked my weight on livestrong.com. In the last year, I started and stopped exercising twice, with months in between filled with self pity. The first time was in April at 175lbs, and again in August at 181. When the holidays came around I decided to let loose and not think about my actions and their consequences. I figured at most I'd put on 5lbs while I pounded back the sugar cookies, left overs, and anything else available in mass quantities.

I admit I have no self control, and that's why I hate the fact that my parents are fat. Fat people eat fattening food. It's a cruel cycle that I can't escape. In a perfect world my house would be limited to healthy foods in minimum quantities, so I could "overeat" without doing any real damage. As much as I beg and plead for healthier options, there is only so much that my parents can do set in their ways of over 50 years. I'm not going to even go into the fact that I should be old enough to move out... it's not plausible at this point in my life.

Alright, let me get to the results. After a month of walking an hour a day, at an admittedly slow speed, 5 days a week, with 10 minutes of 2lb weights thrown in during each workout... the month resulted in 190lbs. (UPDATE: 186lbs immediately after my period, which will be the number I use to compare.)

Now I'm not one for excuses, but I'm going to explain how I think these results occurred. I gained 15lbs between October and the end of December putting me in the 195 bracket. I exercised for a month dropping down to 190lbs. However, the results aren't even the most accurate because it was the day before I got my period and I weighed in at the end of the day, partially because my sleep schedule has been off again. Therefore you can see how these results are inconclusive.

With that being said, I know I can't continue my lazy lifestyle. I can't continue to start and stop exercising again because a yo-yo diet does too much damage on me emotionally. All those months and years wasted on self pity aren't worth the meager 6 or so months of hard work that it takes to get it off.

I'm not going to start being happy with myself until I get down to 170lbs. This number represents where I could have been last year if I didn't give up exercising at 173. It's only 20 lbs away and I have no doubt that I can get there in 2 months.

Phase 2 will be double time. Instead of walking for an hour 5 days a week, I'm going to bring it up to 2 hrs. Walks will now be at a minimum speed of 3.0 mph with 5% incline. The walks will continue to have 10 minutes of 2lb weights. I'm also going to start tracking my food intake at livestrong.com/thedailyplate. I need to be more conscious of what I'm putting in m body and this is the only solution. As for how long this double time phase will last, I don't want to give up, so I'm not going to set a time frame. I probably won't end up weighing myself again until the end of this phase for the same reason.

Phase 1: Walk 5x a Week

I feel more emotionally healthy than ever before, yet my weight is out of control.

It's amazing how little it takes for me to give up on things I really want in life. I'm competitive in nature but cannot stand to lose. Whether it's a job I desire, love in my heart, or weight loss, I have no endurance to get what I want. While I'm emotionally in a healthy place right now, and slowly on the road to being available to fall in love again, I cannot stand the sight of myself naked. At the same time I want a guy who can, which is totally unreasonable I know!

2009: A Year in Review

I got Wii Fit for Christmas 2008 and was religiously using it for some time. I went from 185lbs down to 170. Wii Fit became boring, and progress slowed down. Some might call this a plateau, I call it quitting time. After switching to beginner dance exercise videos, I realized that every instructor had targeted their videos for professional dancers. I have a hard enough time as it is, and one belly dance instructor has me attempting to do 100 individual butt lifts per minute. Unreal! Of course I put those aside too.

Finally I decided that walking was the key to success. It's a proven fact, but I like to do things the hard way. I went out and purchased another Nike sensor, since they die after a year or so of use, to get me back on the treadmill again. This was well intentioned for a while until I pushed my breaking point. My mind slammed me into a brick wall of doubt. "You didn't lose enough weight, run fast enough, walk long enough, eat healthy enough, etc." You would think I was a coach or an overbearing mother, but this is just me being a perfectionist and creating self sabotage. I ended up quitting because I missed a day of my ridiculous schedule and didn't know how I would ever make it up.

So here I am, back after missing a day, which turned into months. How pathetic I am!

At least now I have a goal and point of action. I want to lose weight, but more importantly I want to feel healthy. This past week I have felt like absolute shit. Speaking of which, I always feel bloated and constipated. I ate nothing but junk food because of the holiday season and am back to sleeping during the day. I never drink water and I'm starting to realize that I really need to detox my body. Well, I'm going to continue enjoying the holiday treats, while feeling absolutely sick over it because now is not the time to punish myself for long term mistreatment of my body. However, I will walk 5 times a week for an hour a day.

My goal on Nike is set to accomplish walking 5x a week for an hour a day until May. Hopefully I'll chose to continue this after May, but a goal consists of a beginning and end. I need to lose 50 lbs, and hopefully most of that will be taken care of in the process. I'll start to eat healthy in a week or two, but for now I'm announcing my plan of action to walk. I'll check the scale when I begin "Phase 2: Eat Healthy".

Leave a comment to keep me motivated and I'll add you and return the favor.