After an extremely bad breakup with my first love, I went from 200lbs down to 129 in a year. I'm not really sure how it happened, but I can only assume I had passion for exercise. My memory isn't the greatest, so I'm stuck with the few bread crumbs that I left for myself. I enjoyed the fruits of my labor for a little over a year before I started packing on the stress of another relationship gone wrong and continued stress between bad friends and bad choices. This resulted in poor grades as well as the obvious weight gain.
Even after I had added on 30lbs, my self loathing didn't motivate me to get back in shape. I was so much closer to my goal then, but I couldn't pull myself together to see it. An additional 25lbs later, with the occasional failed diet, and now I am here asking myself how can I get motivated? At the moment I'm not motivated at all, but I am miserable. I'm miserable with my body and because of that, I have become completely antisocial. I've gone through bouts of staying in and my friends have accepted it. I don't want to hide anymore, but I don't want to eat right and exercise either.
This past month I told myself if I could just soak up the sun for one day, I will have enough energy to take Step 1 in changing my life. While I'm a college graduate, I don't have a job, and my friends crazy night life has to a degree made me the night owl I have become. As a result, my lack of energy for life has decreased and this "depression" has gradually increased. Basically, I need sunlight! I even worked diligently to change my sleep schedule so I could experience daytime. It was a hard 2 weeks, but I did it. Just imagine the reverse, that you had to work the night shift, it's not an easy adjustment to make.
June has become the most depressing month for me by far. As I wait impatiently for the sun to shine brightly through the constant clouds and rain, I count the days that I could have taken my first step to a better me and continue to wait some more.
Every time I have attempted to diet in recent months, either something stressful or a celebratory event involving unhealthy food finds a way to throw me off track. I've gone up and down 10lbs a little too often recently. It's scary how easily it happens. My overweight family, whom despite my constant request for a healthy home makeover, won't put the junk food down. I have self control issues with food and my embarrassing food philosophy has been: If I see it, I must have it.
I need to get my body in order, because it is effecting every other aspect of my life. I won't search for a job because I'm not happy with myself. I know that if I even try, I'll just be burning opportunities because I know that I'm not putting my best foot (or body for that matter) forward. Love is out of the question at the moment because I need to love myself first.
This is who I am and where I'm at, but hopefully not where I'm going. My name is Melissa and at 5'8, I currently weigh 182lbs (size 14).
Even after I had added on 30lbs, my self loathing didn't motivate me to get back in shape. I was so much closer to my goal then, but I couldn't pull myself together to see it. An additional 25lbs later, with the occasional failed diet, and now I am here asking myself how can I get motivated? At the moment I'm not motivated at all, but I am miserable. I'm miserable with my body and because of that, I have become completely antisocial. I've gone through bouts of staying in and my friends have accepted it. I don't want to hide anymore, but I don't want to eat right and exercise either.
This past month I told myself if I could just soak up the sun for one day, I will have enough energy to take Step 1 in changing my life. While I'm a college graduate, I don't have a job, and my friends crazy night life has to a degree made me the night owl I have become. As a result, my lack of energy for life has decreased and this "depression" has gradually increased. Basically, I need sunlight! I even worked diligently to change my sleep schedule so I could experience daytime. It was a hard 2 weeks, but I did it. Just imagine the reverse, that you had to work the night shift, it's not an easy adjustment to make.
June has become the most depressing month for me by far. As I wait impatiently for the sun to shine brightly through the constant clouds and rain, I count the days that I could have taken my first step to a better me and continue to wait some more.
Every time I have attempted to diet in recent months, either something stressful or a celebratory event involving unhealthy food finds a way to throw me off track. I've gone up and down 10lbs a little too often recently. It's scary how easily it happens. My overweight family, whom despite my constant request for a healthy home makeover, won't put the junk food down. I have self control issues with food and my embarrassing food philosophy has been: If I see it, I must have it.
I need to get my body in order, because it is effecting every other aspect of my life. I won't search for a job because I'm not happy with myself. I know that if I even try, I'll just be burning opportunities because I know that I'm not putting my best foot (or body for that matter) forward. Love is out of the question at the moment because I need to love myself first.
This is who I am and where I'm at, but hopefully not where I'm going. My name is Melissa and at 5'8, I currently weigh 182lbs (size 14).
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