I was overweight all my life and in 2003 I hit my highest weight yet, 190+ lbs. In 2004 I came out of my first serious relationship and was completely heartbroken and spun into my most serious depression to date. The first month I became very ill with double pneumonia and bronchitis. U didn't go to the doctors because I had given up on life. In that time I had unknowingly lost about 10lbs. When I finally started taking care of myself again, I was happy with my weight loss and I wanted to continue my progress. Still hung up on my ex, I figured losing weight would make me look hot and would win him back. In 2005, I was at my lowest weight ever, 129lbs. Even though I was skinny and somewhat unhealthy looking, I still had stomach fat. At this time I wasn't exercising and I kept trying to eat even less calories. No matter what I did, I could not get toned. Yes, admittedly I should have exercised but I was resisting the obvious solution. Aside from thinking I was owed the perfect body, I was probably too hung up on the number to want to gain muscle weight. I officially gave up on trying to be perfect because I realized, that who I was at that time would never be perfect. Then came my second serious relationship. He was into looks a little too much and was overly cocky. 2005 is when I began my downward spiral. I can admit I royally screwed up my first relationship and I think my second relationship was karma. I took way too much crap for love and still ended up heartbroken. At any rate, the emotional abuse took a toll on me and weight began to add on. I gained 20 lbs by 2006 and I was quickly giving up. When the finally relationship ended I went into my 2nd great depression, but the results were different this time. I was already the perfect weight while I was with him, 20lbs wouldn't have made a difference, or at least it shouldn't have. So because he discarded me, I discarded myself as well. 2007 was my first year of balance. I lost 6lbs but maintained a steady weight throughout the year. It was hard year for me in that I had also lost my first dog, a good friend, and an old acquaintance I cared deeply for. I guess death for me is different from losing something or someone from your life. Death is final and often no one's fault, where as relationships not being maintained must be accounted for by me. 2008 was a hard year for me. I was immersed in a sorority that gave me hell. An ex-best friend who was making my life a living hell with outrageous lies. No one even believed her but it killed me because I could never understand how someone could go so out of there way to be that malicious. Then graduation was coming up and I still had not taken an internship and was no closer to what I wanted to do with my life. (Still am far off.) Enter the senior 15 (lbs). A time for renewing myself, 2009 was essentially burden free. I was depressed most of the year, just trying to figure out where I am in my life and who I was on my way to becoming. I decided that no one would hurt me and make me feel the pain I felt between 2007 and 2008. I avoided all chances of rejection, from guys, friends, and even job hunting. I knew I was more valuable then to be turned away, and I didn't need to feel that pain again. My environment in 2009 became a place of creating a calmer me, with close to no worries in the world. During this year many stressors dropped to the wayside and I became completely inactive. I stopped going out to bars with my friends so I wouldn't have to be judged by guys and compared to my skinny friends. Friends who were friends with people I hated weren't worth the less than 6 degrees of seperation of stress anymore. It was a relaxing year that gave me peace of mind and allowed me to rebuild myself from the pile of rubble left during the destruction of me. I don't regret blocking out a year of living my life, I just wish I hadn't gained 10lbs. MY REALISTIC GOAL FOR 2010: 160lbs. CONCLUSION:
| 2010 02/25 186.0 01/16 190.0 - highest weight 2009 08/06 181.0 07/23 180.5 04/09 175.5 01/12 173.5 01/09 179.0 01/08 175.0 2008 12/12 175.0 07/17 163.5 07/11 165.5 01/21 161.0 2007 08/29 154.5 08/25 157.0 08/23 157.5 08/21 160.0 07/28 160.0 2006 145.0 2005 135.0 129.0 - lowest weight 2004 2003 190.0+ - highest weight |
Weight History
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