Dating Sites and Lowered Expectations

Recently I decided to look around a few dating sites. While I don't have a problem attracting guys, even at my weight, they just aren't the type of guys I'm interested in. The types that tend to be attracted to me are either unattractive, have no personality, or are hot but only want sex. While the latter can be nice on occasion, none of them are what I want or need.

At first I would only add the hot guys to my favorite list. It was like collecting cards, but completely meaningless because I would never message any of them, for fear of being rejected. I did reel in one hot one, but he had no personality. I had a hard time letting him go, but honestly I need sparks. I would rather be with someone much less attractive, who gave me butterflies, than to have a trophy boyfriend.

My search picked up again recently. I concentrated more on personality than looks, although I still had to have somewhat of an attraction towards them. I began talking to 2 people, one who seemed attractive and the other who seemed to have a lot of similar interests. While not feeling an instant spark with either of them, I continued talking to them. I gave it a full week before I decided that nothing would come of it. One had no personality and the other wasn't attractive enough at his shorter height.

While I did continue chatting with both of them in passing, I found that they both brought up what I consider a sore subject; exercise. In the past few months I haven't exercised an ounce, eaten healthier foods, or weighed myself to keep me in check. I'm coming out of a depression and am in no mood to bring myself down. I began taking energy pills 2 weeks ago and I think that they are starting to have an effect on me. Although it's been more like occasional short lived spurts of energy rather than an ongoing one.

Now when they brought up exercise in their individual conversations with me, it was "do you like to exercise?" I had said "occasionally." Apparently my pictures being posted on my profile, which showed I wasn't skinny, wasn't good enough for them. They both felt the need to sorely fuel the fire. Did I mention that this one question was a complete turn off for me. Neither of these guys were that attractive and both were on the short side. None of them would be considered GTL by a long shot.

It turns out one was obsessed with health and the other was just overly healthy. If health was an issue for either of them, you think that they would search for athletic girls. If I exercised, wouldn't I be in shape? Of course overweight people can exercise, but if they were really doing a good job, they too would be in shape. I wanted to say "Are you looking to make me over?" Honestly, because if I was in good shape, I wouldn't be talking to either of them to begin with. These individuals, who wouldn't stand out in a crowd of 2, had the nerve to play the weight card knowing full well that I wasn't skinny. Why even message me? They had to know somewhere deep down inside that they could never get an athletic girl despite their obsessions with exercise.

The funny thing is that even after replying to further questions with half-assed remarks, both still continued to contact me. So is weight an issue or not? I find it hard to believe that 2 guys obsessed with health would think that I'm skinny from looking at my face and arms. I do my best to carry myself well, but I can't hide my fat altogether. It's there and it's visible.

Finally, if it's not an issue, stop bringing it up! The shorter one was smart enough to move onto the next topic. However, the guy with no personality brought it up again a few days later. Didn't we have this conversation already?! Instead of saying occasionally this time, I flat out said no. He didn't respond for a couple of minutes and then said "What are you up to?" Dense!

Now I know that being overweight means that I can't be as shallow as I may have been before. I've done my best to adjust my high standards to moderate in order to find my perfect match. I'm a perfectionist at heart so even that was difficult for me. What I don't get however is that someone who is unattractive at their best shape can be so damn judgmental when it comes to looks. I put more stock on an attractive face than I do on body type. Therefore these guys I were talking too were actually well below my moderate level of standards because they had okay bodies and less than attractive faces.

I've even talked to heavy guys that had the nerve to talk about a girls weight. My only thoughts were, you would be lucky to get a girl that is 1 lb less than you are. It really is beyond me how these people can be so unaware of their appearance as a whole, both inside and out.

When I look at myself in the mirror, I try my best to view myself with accuracy. I know that I am fat and that I do not have the self control to change that anytime too soon. I also know that I have a somewhat jaded heart and broken spirit. These are all things I factor into my search to find my perfect match. Only a few under value themselves, but most over value themselves too greatly. This is why no one can be happy. Why can't everyone be real like me?

Surprisingly enough, after the intrusive exercise conversation, I hopped on the treadmill for 20 minutes. Let's see if I keep this up so I can reel in a better quality of guys.