Dating Sites and Lowered Expectations

Recently I decided to look around a few dating sites. While I don't have a problem attracting guys, even at my weight, they just aren't the type of guys I'm interested in. The types that tend to be attracted to me are either unattractive, have no personality, or are hot but only want sex. While the latter can be nice on occasion, none of them are what I want or need.

At first I would only add the hot guys to my favorite list. It was like collecting cards, but completely meaningless because I would never message any of them, for fear of being rejected. I did reel in one hot one, but he had no personality. I had a hard time letting him go, but honestly I need sparks. I would rather be with someone much less attractive, who gave me butterflies, than to have a trophy boyfriend.

My search picked up again recently. I concentrated more on personality than looks, although I still had to have somewhat of an attraction towards them. I began talking to 2 people, one who seemed attractive and the other who seemed to have a lot of similar interests. While not feeling an instant spark with either of them, I continued talking to them. I gave it a full week before I decided that nothing would come of it. One had no personality and the other wasn't attractive enough at his shorter height.

While I did continue chatting with both of them in passing, I found that they both brought up what I consider a sore subject; exercise. In the past few months I haven't exercised an ounce, eaten healthier foods, or weighed myself to keep me in check. I'm coming out of a depression and am in no mood to bring myself down. I began taking energy pills 2 weeks ago and I think that they are starting to have an effect on me. Although it's been more like occasional short lived spurts of energy rather than an ongoing one.

Now when they brought up exercise in their individual conversations with me, it was "do you like to exercise?" I had said "occasionally." Apparently my pictures being posted on my profile, which showed I wasn't skinny, wasn't good enough for them. They both felt the need to sorely fuel the fire. Did I mention that this one question was a complete turn off for me. Neither of these guys were that attractive and both were on the short side. None of them would be considered GTL by a long shot.

It turns out one was obsessed with health and the other was just overly healthy. If health was an issue for either of them, you think that they would search for athletic girls. If I exercised, wouldn't I be in shape? Of course overweight people can exercise, but if they were really doing a good job, they too would be in shape. I wanted to say "Are you looking to make me over?" Honestly, because if I was in good shape, I wouldn't be talking to either of them to begin with. These individuals, who wouldn't stand out in a crowd of 2, had the nerve to play the weight card knowing full well that I wasn't skinny. Why even message me? They had to know somewhere deep down inside that they could never get an athletic girl despite their obsessions with exercise.

The funny thing is that even after replying to further questions with half-assed remarks, both still continued to contact me. So is weight an issue or not? I find it hard to believe that 2 guys obsessed with health would think that I'm skinny from looking at my face and arms. I do my best to carry myself well, but I can't hide my fat altogether. It's there and it's visible.

Finally, if it's not an issue, stop bringing it up! The shorter one was smart enough to move onto the next topic. However, the guy with no personality brought it up again a few days later. Didn't we have this conversation already?! Instead of saying occasionally this time, I flat out said no. He didn't respond for a couple of minutes and then said "What are you up to?" Dense!

Now I know that being overweight means that I can't be as shallow as I may have been before. I've done my best to adjust my high standards to moderate in order to find my perfect match. I'm a perfectionist at heart so even that was difficult for me. What I don't get however is that someone who is unattractive at their best shape can be so damn judgmental when it comes to looks. I put more stock on an attractive face than I do on body type. Therefore these guys I were talking too were actually well below my moderate level of standards because they had okay bodies and less than attractive faces.

I've even talked to heavy guys that had the nerve to talk about a girls weight. My only thoughts were, you would be lucky to get a girl that is 1 lb less than you are. It really is beyond me how these people can be so unaware of their appearance as a whole, both inside and out.

When I look at myself in the mirror, I try my best to view myself with accuracy. I know that I am fat and that I do not have the self control to change that anytime too soon. I also know that I have a somewhat jaded heart and broken spirit. These are all things I factor into my search to find my perfect match. Only a few under value themselves, but most over value themselves too greatly. This is why no one can be happy. Why can't everyone be real like me?

Surprisingly enough, after the intrusive exercise conversation, I hopped on the treadmill for 20 minutes. Let's see if I keep this up so I can reel in a better quality of guys.

REPOST: Former 'Biggest Loser' Contestant Calls the Show 'Dangerous'

By PopEater Staff Posted Jun 21st 2010 04:20PM

Kai Hibbard, a finalist on the third season of 'The Biggest Loser,' reveals how dangerous she feels the show really is to its contestants.

"I have people that come up to me and talk to me and ask me why they can't lose 12 pounds in a week when I did. When I didn't. It didn't happen. It's TV," she told the CBS 'Early Show.' "I need to take blame and responsibility for the fact that I helped perpetuate a myth that's dangerous."

When asked to clarify about her "a week is not a week on TV" comments, she said, "I'm saying that it would be, most times, longer than a week and I believe once, in my season, it was less than a week." (Contestants weigh-in on the show every week to determine who may get voted off.)

Hibbard also claims that the techniques they were taught to lose weight weren't always healthy. "The weight loss for that show is for ratings. People have to remember that 'The Biggest Loser' isn't a weight-loss camp that happens to be filmed for TV. It's a TV show that's made to look like a weight-loss camp. So there was pressure from production and everybody involved in the show to make sure you had as big of numbers as possible every week."

"I could tell you that before I went on the show, I never learned to dehydrate to manipulate a scale and I left knowing how to do it better than some fitness competitors I know," she explained.

But that wasn't the only thing she took from her time on the 'Loser' ranch. "I left with a very poor mental body image," she said, after dropping 118 pounds during 12 weeks on the series. She has since put 70 of those pounds back on.

"I found myself loathing what I looked like the more weight I dropped because of the pressure on me. And I found myself doing things like considering coffee a meal. And because of the mentality that I was surrounded with, and the pressure that was given at that show, it was considered acceptable to behave that way," she added. "I take full responsibility for everything that I've done. But you can't understand it unless you understand the pressure that was there," she continued.

Her husband added that all she would eat at times was coffee with Splenda and would always special order food if they went out for a meal. "She came back with her hair falling out and we all finally all sat down and were like, 'This isn't healthy for you,'" he said.

"My best friend and my mother are registered nurses, and along with my husband, they staged an intervention," Kai admitted.

Hibbard just wants people to be aware of what really goes on during 'The Biggest Loser.' "I participated in something that I feel is harmful to so many people, so I own responsibility to make it better. I'm not making any money off this. I am not getting anything out of it except for the fact that maybe I'm redeeming myself a little bit for being too much of a coward at that finale."

Article Link: Kai Hibbard - Biggest Loser - PopEater

Update 02-25-2010

Today I walked for 20 min at 3.3mph, completed 50 crunches, did 2 sets of arm workouts.

• Updated my progress bar. I think now that I placed this bar at the top of the page it will help to register in my mind better than when it was buried at the bottom. Before I was putting too much stress on how much exercise I had to do. Now I'm going to put the stress on how much weight I have to lose. Honestly, that chart doesn't scare me. It's a challenge I'm ready to take on.
  

• Created a WEIGHT HISTORY page. I hope that in posting my weight throughout the years, 2003-present, that it will make me more accountable for my actions. Along side of the data, I wrote a brief account of how much I gained each year and what my stressors were. Finally, I added a conclusion section listing things I've learned about handling weight issues in the future.

News That Makes You Move

TRUTH FIRST then NEWS

I'll admit that I haven't started exercising yet, despite my post saying I was going to. I feel guilty about that and I know this guilt will weigh on me and get me moving soon hopefully. I've been somewhat successful in prolonging the time between my meals, but I'm still eating more than 3 meals a day.

I HAVE HAD SOME SUCCESS THOUGH! Since my last post I've been drinking water throughout the day and am only having diet soda at dinnertime. I don't know if I feel healthier, but I have noticed a difference in the way I drink.

Well, let me start by saying that this is the first time I'm drinking water over soda since as early as I can remember. I switched to diet soda, pepsi, when I was about 17 years old. I basically have lived a dehydrated life and there have been times when blacking out was more common than not. There were a few years where I had blacked out maybe 4 or 5 times in a year. It was a mixture of heat exhaustion, dehydration, and stress. I don't know why I hated water, but I did. When I exercised on and off over the years, I would only drink the absolute minimum amount of bottled water needed to get by. This is why I'm shocked that switching to tap water, not even bottled water, doesn't feel so wrong to me. I think I might actually stick with this.

I've always chugged soda and would manage to drink about 2 bottles of soda a day. This hasn't changed, I'm chugging the tap water but I'm not having 2 bottles worth of it. For some reason I'm not quite as thirsty. When drinking soda at dinnertime, the glass takes much longer to empty. Even as I type this, I have quite a few sips left of soda from earlier in the day and it's taking me forever to get through it. I'll admit it it's a hard craving to kick, but I like this change and hope there are more to come with my new beverage of choice.

NOW FOR NEWS

Within the matter of minutes, I came across 3 health inspiring news articles to get even the likes of me motivated (tomorrow)...


DRASTIC HEALTH CHANGES CAN KEEP YOU FROM LOSING WEIGHT

According to Dr. Holly Philips from CBS news, when it comes to exercise, "we might start out too extreme, from not exercising at all to exercising too intensely." These drastic changes can be the reason why you're not losing weight. She suggests that scaling back on your efforts might yield bigger results. One small permanent change each week will help you lose 4x the weight in 4 months.

• A food diary forces you to keep honest about what you're eating.
• Eat slowly so you enjoy the meal and a result of that will be eating less throughout the day.
  
• Go to bed and hour earlier.
  
• Brush your teeth after every meal to get rid of the taste of food.
  
• Stop drinking soda.
• Walk 5 minutes extra each day.
  
• Chew gum while cooking.

VIDEO LINK: http://wcbstv.com/video/?id=139195@wcbs.dayport.com


BLOGGING THE WEIGHT AWAY

Australian born Shauna Reid, then 23, weighed 351 pounds when she started her blog, DietGirl.org. She posted full body photos, blurring out her face, and posted her weight loss journey earning herself international popularity with over 500,00 readers. She originally turned to blogging because she felt it was a forum for "anonymous group therapy."

"All my friends were skinny, so I didn't want to talk to them about how scary and lonely it is to be fat. They're lovely, but they just wouldn't understand -- they don't know what it feels like to not be able to walk down the street -- it is out of their realm of experience. I had always written my secrets in a diary, but I knew the task ahead called for more than a journal. So I would go online and tell anyone who was listening how much it hurt to be this weight -- and every blog entry started with my exact weight. Readers started to cheer me on when the number went down, and encouraged me to stay with it when the number went up. I'm blogging now about how hard it is to maintain a healthy weight."

Five Tips from Reid for Diet Blogging

1. Share your statistics
2. Get involved with the blogging community
3. Keep writing through the tough times
4. Have fun with your writing!
5. Beware of blogger butt - Don't forget to switch off the computer and get your exercise done!

ARTICLE LINK: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/01/26/earlyshow/health/main4753425.shtml


WAKE UP LOOKING BEAUTIFUL! Apparently washing your face before you go to sleep every night will keep your face looking young and healthy 5 years down the line.

• Take the pressure off your eyes and avoid wrinkles by sleeping on your back.
  
• Use 2 pillows to drain puffiness from your eyes.
  
• Too many carbs will make you look puffy in the morning.
  
• Use a humidifier to keep your face and hair full of moisture.
  
• Keep your hair frizz free with a Satin pillow.

VIDEO LINK: http://wcbstv.com/video/?id=139141@wcbs.dayport.com

Confession Time - 2 Week Absence

The exact moment I began this downward spiral was at my sister's super bowl party. I knew it would be a difficult day for me, but I thought it would be one day of self indulgence followed by my regiment of hitting the treadmill. The truth is I don't snap back like that. One day of failure lasts for days if not longer, of self pity, doubt, insecurities, and wallowing in depression.

The food course went as follows: snacks, appetizers, dinner, and dessert. Mind you the party started at 3pm and went until 10. In 7 hours I probably consumed two days worth of food, calorie wise. Meanwhile, when I attend any other person's party, I barely have a bite. There's something about family that comforts me into being the pig that I am. I won't even eat a chip at a friend's party because I know "once you pop, you just can't stop." Not only that, I know people are thinking no wonder why she's so fat, look at her have at it. I'd much rather the connection of my weight and food seem more like a mystery. I would rather people think, she barely ever eats, I feel bad she can't lose weight.

While the super bowl party was a set back on my weight loss goals, this was just one of many misfortunes I've had. My last week of exercise was supposed to cover 15 hours of exercise, 5 to make up for a half a week's exercise missed. I started strong going 3hrs a day for 3 days straight. Then I was feeling a little sore and just overall tired. Every day that I didn't exercise I was counting down the days I had left to meet my goal. I cornered myself into the last day of the week. At this point I've given up on making up the 5 lost hours from the previous week, I just need to complete my original goal of 10. One hour of exercise and I'm done. Instead, I decided to be lazy and I accomplished absolutely nothing. I failed 2 weeks in a row.

Now it's the end of the month and it's time for me to hit the scale, hoping that my motivation will be found in a mystery number. I wanted to see at least 179, but honestly even losing 1 lb would have done something for me. I should have never gotten on that scale. I didn't lose a single pound. In fact, I gained .5. Well, I can excuse that because I know that I'm supposed to get my period any day now. So I decided to wait a week until my period was over and the number didn't change even by a tenth.

What am I doing wrong?

I mentioned to my mom that I was following the livestrong.com suggestion of 1400 calories based on my height, weight, age, activity level, and weight loss goals. She immediately told me 1400 was way too high. I guess I should have known that, but in the past I felt the calculations were right. Now I'm aware that I don't measure my food and that's probably cause for some miscalculations, but I gave a little buffer room with that in mind.

Since I've taken my 2 week hiatus, I'm completely lacking energy. I just want to sleep all day and I don't know what's wrong with me. When I tried to take a one-a-day energy pill it just made me feel weird. This has to be depression getting the best of me. Except I don't feel depressed, I just feel exhausted. Maybe the exhaustion is me burying my feelings instead of tackling them. Even in writing this I don't feel like I'm dealing with anything, just laying out the possibilities.

I'm starting to realize some errors in my ways.

I've come to the realization that the only people who can eat 5 small meals a day are people who don't enjoy food. Small meals consist of something low in calories and unenjoyable. I enjoy food thoroughly and I need to have my 3 large tasty main meals and starve myself in between.

I'm too goal oriented, and I pushed myself too hard once again. Who exercises 3 hours a day? Not even gym buffs do that. I need to take it easy and get back into a new rhythm. Now that my phases are messed up, naming them will probably be my excuse for not working out at all. Let's hope it's not though.

I'm not catholic but I'm going to use Lent as a reason to lose weight. I will stick to 3 meals a day. I will cut back on soda drastically replacing it with water. I will be on the treadmill an hour 5 days a week. I will do sit ups and stop being lazy. Someone tell me when Lent is over.

I think that covers everything I've been going through these past 2 weeks. I might end up updating this later.

Phase 2: Double Time - Week 3

Last weekend I went to an event where I was trying to get pictures and video. Since I was all the way in the back I did a lot of holding my arms high into the air to get unblocked footage. Needless to say, my arms were too sore for weights. The whole day was exhausting, standing up for 5 hours straight and carrying my 16lb on my shoulder, but my legs didn't hurt a bit. So instead of being lazy all week because my arms were in pain, I kept moving because my legs were doing just fine. Come to think of it, that's probably due to all the hard work I've put in thus far.

I did have a half week of double time to make up though. All week long I had opportunities and I let them slip right through my hands. I don't know why this happened, but I'm not happy it did. I'm determined to make up those 5hrs and this is my last week before my next weigh in. This means through hell and high water, I'm going to have to exercise 3x a day no matter what.

Luckily for me I have some motivation these next few days. There are exactly 3 days left in the Nike+ Conan vs. Leno challenge. Conan isn't that far behind, and if I really work my butt off, he could even win. While this is a team effort, I know a good portion of this is depending on me. I don't want to let Conan down! There is also burning off all the food I hate at the Superbowl Party (and my sleep schedule is upside down again, eek!), but that was the start of Week 4, so I'll leave it alone for now.

Nike + Conan vs Leno Challenge

During Week 3 I did good with counting calories. On days I exercised for 2hrs, I was always in my net calorie range of 500-1000. Sometimes I managed to be even lower too! Net calories are the calories you have after you take the total amount consumed - total amount burned.

RESULTS

Week 3: 10 1hr workouts, walking 33.83mi, @ 17'52"mi, burning 4664 cal.

ONE HOUR WORKOUT ROUTINE
20 min 3.0 mph
20 min 3.1 with
20 min 3.0 mph

Physical Appearance Update:
Even though this happened on Sunday, the start of Week 4, I still want to mention it before next week's weigh-in and post just in case it is discouraging. Normally I don't wear jeans because I haven't really had a reason to. I don't like to go out much in general and since I've been exercising 10/7 (get it 24/7, lolz), I've been in nice comfy pants. However, my sister had a party on Superbowl Sunday which forced me out of my house and into a pair of jeans.

They felt the slightest bit less tight, but the real difference came in how little of a muffin top I had in my size 13 jeans. My stomach is finally starting to shrink, even if the waist band isn't. They went from unbearably tight, esp. in my thighs, to fitting. just right. On the 13th I'll be forced into jeans again for my friends low-key Valentine's Day party, but at least I can feel comfortable not having to worry about my stomach. I'll just have to remember not to eat all the chocolate.

Holidays are days for skinny people to put on a couple of pounds while us less than skinny girls look a bit lighter in the week to follow.

Phase 2: Double Time - Week 1 & Week 2

I'm really proud of how hard I pushed myself during Week 1. I made a plan and stuck with it. As each day progressed I also began to feel more confidence. My lower arms and lower legs are firm with minimal fat. I've also started to lose weight from my sides. I can place my hands on the upper sides of my ribs and move my hands straight down a bit before I hit any curves. While a great deal of my fat is in my stomach, it's still a big deal to be able to cover a hand and a half distance of flat surface on my sides. It means I'm that much closer to losing from the area that will finally allow me to drop jean sizes.

To help further my goals, I started tracking my caloric intake at livestrong.com/myplate/. In order to lose 2lbs per week, my personal maximum caloric intake is set at 1,400. Whenever I crave chocolate or need a snack, I go to my Special K Delightfully Chocolate Cereal. It has actual mini bars of chocolate in it and it tastes amazing while extremely low in calories. By immediately logging in everything I eat, I instantly know if I have room or need to pace myself.

"People that keep food journals are more likely to lose weight. Why? Because there’s a lot of calories we eat unconsciously during the day."
- 92.3 Now

If you've never heard of 92.3 Now, they're a station set in NYC. They play a great selection of music, but the reason why I like them the most is because they are real. They openly discuss weight from time to time and they embrace the normal person.

Recently I had a heart to heart with my mom about making healthier choices like eating less meat and using smaller dinner plates. Since then she has really started to work with me. Every dinner I've had during Week 2 has been all around healthier. It meant a lot to me too since Week 2 was somewhat of a fail for me.

Here comes my list of excuses (I don't think they're half bad... but you tell me.):

I always say I have no energy, so any exertion that does not go to exercise pretty much wipes me out for the day. Week 2 was dedicated to chauffeuring my dad to different doctor's appointments, all over an hour drive each away. So 1 hr there + 1 hr back + all the waiting time in between, and then I'm asking where my day went?! After Monday and Tuesday I took 2 days of rest, and then wasted Friday because my Dad misread the date on the appointment card. Then on Saturday I went to an autograph signing which was also over an hour away and required 5hrs of standing. I know I'm using excuses here, but it was a little bit of overkill with all of that traveling I had to do this week.

I ate a bit more during Week 2 and exercised less than I had planned, but Week 2 wasn't a total fail. Instead of exercising Double Time, I only managed to fit a regular weeks worth of exercise in. On some days I ate much more than others, but my average caloric intake was balanced at the 1400 mark for the week.

My worst day this week was on Saturday. I didn't really eat all day and ended up going out to Red Robin for dinner. One amazingly tasty meal hit the 1400 mark, and over killed my fat intake for that day. I have no complaints about enjoying that meal, but it's so not worth it. I probably won't do that to myself again anytime too soon.

RESULTS

Week 1: 10 1hr workouts, walking 33.75mi, @ 17'53"mi, burning 4652 cal.
Week 2: 5 1hr workouts, walking 16.88mi, @ 17'52"mi, burning 2327 cal.


ONE HOUR WORKOUT ROUTINE

20 min 3.0 mph
20 min 3.1 with 10 mins of 2lb weights.
20 min 3.0 mph

UPCOMING GOALS

• Play Catch Up. Since I did a regular week as opposed to my goal of doubling it, I plan to add a week at the end if I don't manage to cover the 5 missed workouts in the meantime.
• No chin fat. I think I can accomplish this during the next week. I've already noticed I've lost weight in my face. No matter what, by the end of Phase 2, there will be no chin fat at all. The second I notice a fat free chin, I'll weigh myself immediately and use that as a reminder marker of why that weight is just too much.
• Sugar Worries. I recently heard that you shouldn't eat more than 15g of sugar in a day, because it's worse than eating actual fat. I don't know if this is possible, but I'm going to look further into this.

Phase 1: Results

I've learned a valuable lesson in life: Every time I quit on myself, I set myself back much further than where I started. Over the years I've tracked my weight on livestrong.com. In the last year, I started and stopped exercising twice, with months in between filled with self pity. The first time was in April at 175lbs, and again in August at 181. When the holidays came around I decided to let loose and not think about my actions and their consequences. I figured at most I'd put on 5lbs while I pounded back the sugar cookies, left overs, and anything else available in mass quantities.

I admit I have no self control, and that's why I hate the fact that my parents are fat. Fat people eat fattening food. It's a cruel cycle that I can't escape. In a perfect world my house would be limited to healthy foods in minimum quantities, so I could "overeat" without doing any real damage. As much as I beg and plead for healthier options, there is only so much that my parents can do set in their ways of over 50 years. I'm not going to even go into the fact that I should be old enough to move out... it's not plausible at this point in my life.

Alright, let me get to the results. After a month of walking an hour a day, at an admittedly slow speed, 5 days a week, with 10 minutes of 2lb weights thrown in during each workout... the month resulted in 190lbs. (UPDATE: 186lbs immediately after my period, which will be the number I use to compare.)

Now I'm not one for excuses, but I'm going to explain how I think these results occurred. I gained 15lbs between October and the end of December putting me in the 195 bracket. I exercised for a month dropping down to 190lbs. However, the results aren't even the most accurate because it was the day before I got my period and I weighed in at the end of the day, partially because my sleep schedule has been off again. Therefore you can see how these results are inconclusive.

With that being said, I know I can't continue my lazy lifestyle. I can't continue to start and stop exercising again because a yo-yo diet does too much damage on me emotionally. All those months and years wasted on self pity aren't worth the meager 6 or so months of hard work that it takes to get it off.

I'm not going to start being happy with myself until I get down to 170lbs. This number represents where I could have been last year if I didn't give up exercising at 173. It's only 20 lbs away and I have no doubt that I can get there in 2 months.

Phase 2 will be double time. Instead of walking for an hour 5 days a week, I'm going to bring it up to 2 hrs. Walks will now be at a minimum speed of 3.0 mph with 5% incline. The walks will continue to have 10 minutes of 2lb weights. I'm also going to start tracking my food intake at livestrong.com/thedailyplate. I need to be more conscious of what I'm putting in m body and this is the only solution. As for how long this double time phase will last, I don't want to give up, so I'm not going to set a time frame. I probably won't end up weighing myself again until the end of this phase for the same reason.

Phase 1: Walk 5x a Week - Week 4

I'm so proud of myself! Four weeks have gone by and I didn't miss a day of my program. This last week I even exercised 5 days straight! I'm wondering if I should bank my last 2 days or just keep exercising? In the past, I've overworked myself and ended up quitting so maybe I'll err on the side of caution.

Tomorrow I'm going to weigh and measure myself. Even though I've been doing so well with exercising, I'm afraid that knowing my weight might cause me to jinx myself. At the same time I want to know where I stand and how I am progressing. I'll just have to remember a month of fatty foods means I should be happy with even maintaining what I was prior to Dec 1st. Although I'm going to say I hope the scale says 178 or less. I'd be thrilled then!

Week 4: 5 1hr workouts, walking 16.63mi, @ 18'30"mi, burning 2292cal

My hour usually consists of:

5 min 2.6mi
5 min 2.7
5 min 2.8
5 min 2.9
20 min 3.0 (10min of 2lb weights.)
5 min 2.9
5 min 2.8
5 min 2.7
5 min 2.6

RESULTS ADDED TOMORROW...

Phase 1: Walk 5x a Week - Week 2 & Week 3

Junk food is slowly but surely disappearing from my house. I'm going to say by the end of week 3, the house should be cleared of it completely. (Yep, It's gone!) With that being said, I'm not going to bother weighing myself or measuring myself until the end of week 4. I'm considering Phase 1 my pre-exercise & diet phase because it doesn't involve any strenuous work and will probably result in minimum weight loss if any.

However, this Phase is not a useless phase as it provides me with a schedule, the rebuilding of a better metabolism, and strengthening of my muscles. Mentally and emotionally it will provide me with patience and endurance.

RESULTS

Week 1: 5 1hr workouts, walking 15.53mi, @ 19'26"mi, burning 2141cal
Week 2: 5 1hr workouts, walking 16.05mi, @ 18'51"mi, burning 2212cal
Week 3: 5 1hr workouts, walking 15.99mi, @ 18'54"mi, burning 2204cal

I would have expected all of the numbers to improve but it's not that big of a deal to me. During Week 3, I tried to resist eating whenever I was bored. Now that the junk food is out of the house, I've been snacking on Special K Delightfully Chocolate Cereal. It's just as satisfying as any other type of chocolate too.


My hour usually consists of:

5 min 2.5mi
5 min 2.6
5 min 2.7
5 min 2.8
5 min 2.9
10 min 3.0 with 2lb weights.
5 min 2.9
5 min 2.8
5 min 2.7
5 min 2.6
5 min 2.5


Right now I'm sick with an unrelenting cold, so I have a feeling that I am not going to start this week off strong. No matter what though, I'll make sure to end the week with my 5hrs accomplished, even if I have to bang it out all in one day. I'll be sure to log-in next Sunday with results.

Phase 1: Walk 5x a Week

I feel more emotionally healthy than ever before, yet my weight is out of control.

It's amazing how little it takes for me to give up on things I really want in life. I'm competitive in nature but cannot stand to lose. Whether it's a job I desire, love in my heart, or weight loss, I have no endurance to get what I want. While I'm emotionally in a healthy place right now, and slowly on the road to being available to fall in love again, I cannot stand the sight of myself naked. At the same time I want a guy who can, which is totally unreasonable I know!

2009: A Year in Review

I got Wii Fit for Christmas 2008 and was religiously using it for some time. I went from 185lbs down to 170. Wii Fit became boring, and progress slowed down. Some might call this a plateau, I call it quitting time. After switching to beginner dance exercise videos, I realized that every instructor had targeted their videos for professional dancers. I have a hard enough time as it is, and one belly dance instructor has me attempting to do 100 individual butt lifts per minute. Unreal! Of course I put those aside too.

Finally I decided that walking was the key to success. It's a proven fact, but I like to do things the hard way. I went out and purchased another Nike sensor, since they die after a year or so of use, to get me back on the treadmill again. This was well intentioned for a while until I pushed my breaking point. My mind slammed me into a brick wall of doubt. "You didn't lose enough weight, run fast enough, walk long enough, eat healthy enough, etc." You would think I was a coach or an overbearing mother, but this is just me being a perfectionist and creating self sabotage. I ended up quitting because I missed a day of my ridiculous schedule and didn't know how I would ever make it up.

So here I am, back after missing a day, which turned into months. How pathetic I am!

At least now I have a goal and point of action. I want to lose weight, but more importantly I want to feel healthy. This past week I have felt like absolute shit. Speaking of which, I always feel bloated and constipated. I ate nothing but junk food because of the holiday season and am back to sleeping during the day. I never drink water and I'm starting to realize that I really need to detox my body. Well, I'm going to continue enjoying the holiday treats, while feeling absolutely sick over it because now is not the time to punish myself for long term mistreatment of my body. However, I will walk 5 times a week for an hour a day.

My goal on Nike is set to accomplish walking 5x a week for an hour a day until May. Hopefully I'll chose to continue this after May, but a goal consists of a beginning and end. I need to lose 50 lbs, and hopefully most of that will be taken care of in the process. I'll start to eat healthy in a week or two, but for now I'm announcing my plan of action to walk. I'll check the scale when I begin "Phase 2: Eat Healthy".

Leave a comment to keep me motivated and I'll add you and return the favor.

Week 6: Busy Life = Weight Gain

I can't believe 2 weeks have gone by without me updating my progress or rather lack there of. My biggest hold up has been that once I write down my weight gain I will lose all motivation. Well 2 weeks later I can safely say that I have kept strong with my Walk 2 Run program, exercising 40 minutes a day for 6 days a week.

Now I'm not going to say that the weight gain was horrible or even out of control, because I understand where it came from and how this was a "one time thing." Week 6 has been abnormal for me. My sister made the big move into her luxurious new home and I was a member of the 4 day moving crew. I exercised in the morning and then lifted heavy boxes and furniture until it was time to pass out at night. It was a total body workout.

So where did the weight gain come from? Where it always comes from, fast food! I don't cook unless no one is home and I'm starving. However, I wasn't at home and believe me no one had intentions of cooking. Instead the week was filled with one fast food meal after another. The fact that I only gained .5 lbs isn't bad at all, seeing since I feel like my body has toned up quite a bit. My face is also looking a bit thinner as well.



My exercise this week has been motivating. Each day I increased my workout in some way and felt a flow of energy that could last me another workout. However, I didn't want to hurt myself so I stopped working out on a high note each day.

WALK 2 RUN - WEEK 2
days: 6 active days
time: 40 minute minimum

walk 5 min (3.0), run 5 (4.5)
walk 5 min (3.1), run 5 (4.5)
walk 5 min (3.2), run 1-5 (4.5)
walk 5 min (3.3), max incline 8 min (3.0)
walk 2 min (3.0), walk 5 min (>2.5)

Week 6 resulted in 180.5 lbs.

WARNING: Salad Dressings Are Not Created Equal!

I am officially protesting HIDDEN VALLEY products. Read more to find out why you should join the protest.

HIDDEN VALLEY's Original Ranch Light makes all products with the word "light" appear to be a complete joke! Most people who eat salads do so because they want to live a healthier lifestyle and maintain or lose weight. It would make sense then that these products would be health conscious like their consumers. On a recent shopping trip to the grocery store, my mom picked up this bottle of dressing thinking that the word LIGHT meant that this product was a healthier choice than the bottle without the word light. However, that is not the case.

HIDDEN VALLEY's Original Ranch Light Dressing is 140 calories with 130 fat calories. I couldn't find out how many calories and fat calories a normal tablespoon of HIDDEN VALLEY Ranch Dressing contains, but I'm horrified to think that eating McDonalds might actually taste better and be similar in fat content.

Now, take WISHBONE's Light Ranch Dressing and we have a completely different meaning of the word "light". WISHBONE's version of light means 40 calories with 20 fat calories. Thank you for caring about the people you serve!

How can salad dressings that sit side by side in the same aisle have two very different meanings of the word light?! HIDDEN VALLEY claims it has "40% fewer calories & 50% less fat calories than our regular Ranch Dressing." It has the nerve to include a catchy but inaccurate label of "Betcha can't tell it's light!" You're right Hidden Valley, because your product is a complete lie!

140 calories & 130 fat calories is ridiculous! I'm protesting HIDDEN VALLEY because they deceived me and you should protest them because labels should have meaning. Make the word light count for something! It's time that HIDDEN VALLEY meets our standards.

If you agree, please comment with support below.

Thank you.

Fox TV's "More To Love" - Epi. 2

After watching episode 2, I have to admit that "More to Love" took a turn for the better. The producers shifted the focus from self-loathing women with weight issues to women with weight issues looking to open up to someone new. It probably helped that their weight wasn't flashing across the screen next to their name and age every 5 seconds. While one of the girls mentioned Luke loving them for their whole package, the theme of this episode had less to do with the infamous line Luke said at the season premiere's ring ceremony of "I promise to open up my heart and accept you for who you are." I'm glad we moved past that hypocrisy.

Week 2 offers more of a typically reality dating show setting where questions of is this more than friendship and do we connect on a serious level come into play. Luke becomes an actual bachelor. However the producers didn't stray far from the overweight theme by having the girls pick teams leaving one left feeling excluded and of course the bathing suit first date. Awkward situations aside, Luke was left breaking 3 hearts this episode.

Listed below are the women in order that Luke picked them on Week 2 of More to Love:

*** SPOILER ALERT ***

Those he cut are marked.

*** SPOILER ALERT ***

Mandy
25 5'7 180
SIZE: 16





Anna
27 6'2 230
SIZE: 18





Amanda
22 5'10 235
SIZE: 20





Malissa
26 5'4 170
SIZE: 14





Christina
23 5'6 206
SIZE: 18





Bonnie
25 5'11 215
SIZE: 18





Heather
22 5'5 200
SIZE: 18





Lauren
26 5'9 210
SIZE: 18





Tali
26 5'4 190
SIZE: 16-18





Melissa
21 5'6 220
SIZE: 19





Kristian
26 5'5 225
SIZE: 20



SECOND CUTS



Magali
24 5'7 193
SIZE: 17





Arianne
37 5'10 190
SIZE: 16





Vanessa
32 5'8 194
SIZE: 16-18



Sincere quote from Vanessa: "I'm not bitter because those girls are really great and I hope one of them establishes a true connection with him. You meet a group of girls that persevere, who are intelligent just like you."

Personality Check:
Lauren needs to to be kicked off the show immediately because she is just as catty as they say she is. In an attempt to knock out the competition, Lauren asks "Did you know this one was old?" Yeah, thanks for stating the obvious. She clearly doesn't have the grounded personality that a heavier person tends to gain through life's hardships. While she alerted Luke to the fact that Arianne didn't want children, that is something he could have easily found out by asking her. If your going to be queen of gossip at least get some real dirt, like she already has a boyfriend at home, or something.

RANT: Fat Mean Girls

Why are girls who are fat mean? It just doesn't seem logical. I'm sure these girls have been picked on for their weight and other related issues throughout their life. I certainly have, but I give every person the benefit of the doubt until they prove themselves unworthy. Like Lauren from More to Love, she is ready to rip apart these girls for absolutely no good reason. Even Vanessa who was kicked off said that the women were amazing, so why is Lauren in attack mode? I don't think Luke has anything to do with it either, she's just a horrible person.

I knew a girl who was exactly like this. She would create unnecessary drama by fighting with every girl. At her core, she was absolutely man hungry. She slept around and would do or say anything to put herself above other girls. I know of a few other fat mean girls, but they never get respect. If anything they create fear and are hated for who they are. Fear and Hate does not replace want and love. A happy fat girl will always win out in the end, because negativity like that comes off as nasty. I'm certain that most guys would even choose a heavier happy girl over a skinny girl that is nasty. In conclusion, a fat nasty girl has no chance at happiness.

###

Kristian said that Malissa was skinny all through high school and only gained the weight recently. I know girls like that and they are still very popular within their own crowds. Her attitude doesn't reflect that of someone who should be there. Although Malissa will probably last much longer than Kristian because she is crushing too hard, Malissa still has too big of an ego for this show.

Current Favs:
* Heather
* Melissa

'MORE TO LOVE' episode 2:


PREVIEW FOR EPISODE 3:
Next week Luke invites the girls to be his prom date, opening up about how prom was a hard time for him too. It's nice that the show goes beyond making the girls divulge all.

Week 5: On the run... err walk.

I officially went 2 weeks without any legitimate exercise. I managed to end last week at 180.5 lbs, but before I knew it the scale was up to 184 and there was no question that it was time to get my butt back in gear.

For the longest time I've wanted to start working out again with my Nike+ iPod gear, but I was always waiting for the perfect time to reinvest in a new sensor. I initially purchased Nike+ in 2006 and used that product religiously. After about a year of use, my sensor died. Upon my next purchase I was stuck with buying yet another $30 starter kit. However, this time my money had gone to waste and time flew by before I realized that I hadn't even ran in 2008. After 5 weeks of writing my blog on dieting, it became obvious that the time has come to reinvest in my third Nike+ sensor.

Last Friday I started walking on the treadmill at a 3.0 pace for 40 minutes. During the 40 minutes, I also walked 2 sets of 4 minutes at maximum incline. On Sunday, I finally purchased my new Nike+ sensor. Since this products been out for a while, I was finally able to buy the sensor by itself for $20, avoiding the unnecessary extra $10 expenditure. I started the Nike+ 3 month "Walk 2 Run" training program. The first week alternates between walking 15 minutes and walking 5 minutes followed by running 1 minute (2x). I felt that this was at a slower pace then what I've been doing so I reworked week 1 of the program to fit my needs:


WALK 2 RUN - WEEK 1
days: 7 active days
time: 40 minute minimum

walk 5 min (3.0), run 1 (4.5)
walk 5 min (3.1), run 1 (4.5)
walk 5 min (3.2), run 1 (4.5)
walk 5 min (3.3), run 1 (4.5)
walk 4 min (3.2), max incline 4 min (3.0)
walk 2 min (3.0), max incline 4 min (3.0)
walk 5 min (3.0)
walk 2 min (>2.5)

If I still have a burst of energy after all of that, I work out my arms using 2lb weights until my energy fades away. Those are the best workouts.

After 2 days of my own workout and 3 days of the Walk 2 Run edition, I ended my week at 180.5. It might seem as though I didn't lose weight, but that is far from truth. Early in the week I weighed in at 184, I'm not even sure what happened there. Then I worked out for 5 straight days putting on muscle. On top of all of that, I just got my monthly visitor. So with all of that weight gain, even equaling lasts weeks weigh-in is impressive in my book. I can only hope that Week 6 will lead to a quick drop on the scale.

Week 5 resulted in 180.5 lbs.

Fox TV's "More To Love"

Fox 5 introduces a new reality dating show dedicated to appreciating the average woman, unlike the women normally portrayed on reality TV. 'More to Love' starts off by stating these very facts. "The average woman on a dating show is a size 2. The average American woman is a size 14."

The bachelor on 'More to Love' encompasses the very meaning of the show. Luke Conley, stands at 6'3 and 330lbs. While he isn't a hunk, he does have a nice face. However, the 'More to Love' star is no average Joe, at the age of 26 he already earns a 6 figure salary and resides in Santa Monica, California.

Luke says he's always been attracted to luscious curvy women. Yet somehow I wonder when his fortune and recent popularity will lead him to become interested in his thinner fans. Whether or not he makes it to the altar, I have a feeling it's not just curvy women that does it for him.

Most of the women on the show appear to be giving love its last chance. This is a completely different vibe than on normal dating shows where women are only searching for something new. I can see why this shift might be realistic, but watching 20 self loathing women talk about weight and problems finding love takes away from the fact that this is at its core a dating show. I can't imagine ever introducing myself to a guy and saying, "I'm here because I know you might not judge me for my looks." When guys even mention weight on a first date, even if it's about themselves, I just think "Wow, you have nothing else going on in your life?"

Luke said that life is too short to be worrying about dieting and weight-loss. I can't imagine at the age of 26, continually putting on weight because "life is too short." He is making life short with his lifestyle choice. Then he has the nerve to make the claim that he "promises to open up his heart and to accept them for who they are." Who is he to judge them in the first place? It sounds like he's saying that he's willing to look past their looks, but he should be saying I will be the guy who will see your beauty on the inside and out. I have a feeling that he'll be spewing that judgmental crap every episode too!

The show is interesting nonetheless because it offers a spin from the typical reality dating shows. I'm also extremely proud of these women for having the courage to put their bodies on display for the public to see. This is not something I would feel comfortable doing even on a show unrelated to weight. What impressed me the most was how they listed everyone's weight for all to see. Not even celebrities willingly allow their weight to be publicly announced. Since they listing everything else, I almost wished they posted their dress sizes as well so it would be easier for me to compare them because I have a feeling the last woman standing will be on the slim side of the bunch.

Based on their height and weight, I figured out the women's dress sizes using a size chart provided by 'Squeem: magical lingerie.' Using my own height, weight, and clothing size I tested to make sure the chart was accurate.

After looking at the women's sizes, it's interesting that only one woman is a size 14 and everyone else is much larger. It takes away from the shows original concept that the average American woman is a size 14, because the women's average size on 'More to Love' is a size 18. The show wants to talk about thin extremes and only manages to add to the problem by producing heavy extremes. Where is the average American on 'More to Love,' which has now become the show's ultimate fail. I can only hope that their "average" phrase does not appear on future shows. It would be misleading to say the least.

There was one quote worth mentioning from the show. Michelle, one of the contestants kicked off the show, said that she's "going to buy clothes that fit me now and enjoy life now." It was a wise thing to say and everyone should follow that piece of wisdom.

Listed below are the women in order that Luke picked them on the premiere of More to Love:

*** SPOILER ALERT ***

Those he cut are marked.

*** SPOILER ALERT ***

Anna
27 6'2 230
SIZE: 18





Malissa
26 5'4 170
SIZE: 14





Magali
24 5'7 193
SIZE: 17





Heather
22 5'5 200
SIZE: 18





Mandy
25 5'7 180
SIZE: 16





Amanda
22 5'10 235
SIZE: 20





Vanessa
32 5'8 194
SIZE: 16-18





Tali
26 5'4 190
SIZE: 16-18





Lauren
26 5'9 210
SIZE: 18





Bonnie
25 5'11 215
SIZE: 18





Christina
23 5'6 206
SIZE: 18





Danielle
25 5'9 195
SIZE: 17





Arianne
37 5'10 190
SIZE: 16





Kristian
26 5'5 225
SIZE: 20





Melissa
21 5'6 220
SIZE: 19



FIRST CUTS



Michelle
32 5'5 230
SIZE: 19




Natasha
25 5'9 197
SIZE: 18





Sandy
30 5'8 200
SIZE: 18






Shari
24 5'4 180
SIZE: 16





Natalia
28 5'10 279
SIZE: 26



'MORE TO LOVE' series premiere:

Why I Hit Rock Bottom

While some people run for the love of running, sometimes I feel like I can barely motivate myself to just get out of bed. I'm the underachiever with the overachievers aspirations. I know what I want in life, but wanting so much has left me feeling lost and hopeless. For anyone whose been in that position in life, you know the real challenge of every day life. I've made the decision to face life head on and my biggest challenge I have to confront first is my fear of being judged. I know that we are our own worst critic, but I want the best in life and I should meet my own standards before my life can begin to fall into place. My fear of being judged comes from both my mind and appearance. I can't count the number of times that girls have knocked me down for being outspoken and guys have ignored me for not being thin.

The last few years I've fought to speak my mind and have always fallen hard. I'm opinionated and open minded at the same time. No one is perfect and knows everything, so why should anyone be rigid in their opinions. If someone is well versed in politics for example, I will be the first to accept and possibly change my views entirely. Life is about being fluid and so few people get that. I know my opinions and ideas tend to be outside of the box, but they are that way for a reason. I'm not a drone. I want to experience more than the status quo. I live to immerse myself in everything that is and will be.

In the past, two of my social circles, both of whom I no longer associate with, beat me down and drained the very identity I once knew. It's been a year since I've walked away from both situations and only now am I really ready to begin to heal. I haven't gotten to the point where I can write about exact moments that I felt the world begin to collapse in on me, but for over 2 years it seemed like that feeling was endless. Yet I've always had a group of amazing friends on the side, but they couldn't help me through those times. No one could. The emotional abuse I took from one group and the constant mind games the other group played were so intense, and partly because there was no escape. It was only until last year that I graduated from one and the intermingling of friends in the other group finally ceased.

This past year should have been a triumph, but emotionally I was broken to pieces and the puzzle was larger than life. I've never written my emotions down because my words have been counted by my emotional abusers as worthless. I as an individual was worthless against the whole. Instead of opening my heart to others, I've managed to close myself off from the world and eat my way through the pain. Even people on the internet feel the need to be emotionally abusive for no reason at all and I'm not even talking about weight related issues. So many people are just filled with hate and try to tear people down with them. I'm so glad I have come to this point where I can say that I'm above the bullsh*t.

Despite moving on with my life to a healthier place mentally and emotionally, my life has already been drastically effected. Both fields I studied in college, journalism and politics, requires me to be outspoken. I want nothing more than to be able to speak my mind freely but I don't know how anymore. It's come to a point where I lack passion for my beliefs. I can't even apply myself to get a job because I feel worthless. I know I'm not, but I can't face rejection from the outside world. No one understands just how deep those 2 years have hurt me, and I'm so thankful that I finally found the courage to blog.

It's time for me to rebuild my mental and emotional well being so that I can face the world and start living for me. Writing in this blog has been the very therapy I wish I had before I hit rock bottom, but later is better than never.

A part of building my mental and emotional well being also comes through physical health. Everyone says that when you are physically fit, not only do you look better, but you feel better too. I don't want to lose weight for a guy, they aren't worth it. I actually haven't liked anyone in a while and that's probably because I haven't been happy with myself. How can I expect someone to like me when I don't even like myself. I accept myself and I'm ready to make the changes needed in order to begin to like myself too.

It's easy for me to talk and joke about weight, it's the emotional stuff that is beyond difficult for me to talk about. I don't know why I felt like opening up today, but I'm happy I did.

Week 4: Normal Life Resumes

My energy level has hit an all time low this week. The first two days alone I remember doing nothing more than sitting on the couch and eating food. I guess my body needed time to recover, but somehow I wonder to what degree my energy drop off has to do with not taking vitamins. I'm not ready to submit to them so I'll just have to mentally force myself to do stuff and love it for now.

Food has also taken its toll. After returning home from a week of dining out 3 times a day, getting back on track hasn't been an easy task. I have no question that I consumed less calories, but not the amount I would have preferred. I knew my want for large portions would be there, so I spent this week slowly moderating my food. I've tried in the past to drop what I eat to the minimum, but from past experience, it always backfires.

As for my activity level, I managed one physical day, make that 4 hrs, of actual manual labor. My sister is in the process of moving into a new house and I helped her pack and move boxes and smaller furniture. I always do things for selfish reasons, I call this selfish motivation. My selfish motivation for helping her move was so that I could workout my arms. My arms only became in issue to me after looking at vacation pictures. The problem was that the shirt I had recently bought wasn't cut to flatter flabby arms and I didn't know that at the time. I liked how it hid my stomach and will probably still wear it on non-picture and non-public days. At least I realize that my arms are clearly an issue area, along with the rest of my fat.

Week 4 resulted in 180.5 lbs.

Week 3: Vacation

Vacation ended and I'm back at 181.5. I'm disappointed, but still .5 less than when I started and probably in better physical condition as well.

Normally road trips involve a car filled with snacks from M&Ms to Twizzlers and everything in between. My mom decided this trip would consist of healthier snacks like graham crackers and animal crackers. She separated the animals crackers into bags based on amount per serving. Surprisingly the serving size was generous, but without counting them even a suggested serving size can't help. However, the second I tried one I didn't like it and we ended up not snacking on the road at all. Maybe my taste buds were off or she bought a different brand than usual. I don't know, but I'm happy it kept me from snacking away.

Eating three meals a day on the road does lead to poor choices, but I don't regret enjoying my vacation. When half the day is spent on the road, I can't imagine staying in and eating a buttered bagel or ordering cereal at a diner. It's not something I would ever do. Most breakfasts consisted of a large ham and cheese egg omlet, with a side of sausage and toast. Long days call for a big breakfast. While sitting in a car isn't quite the same as working, you still need energy to be alert on the road.

Lunch meals varied in size from a healthy BLT wrap to a Chicken BLT sandwich at McDonalds. On the days I ate a BLT wrap, I felt happier with myself. It emotionally fulfilled me despite the fact I would have chosen a Chicken BLT from McDonalds if I had the option. This is why I hate choices, it pains me to resist what I want in the moment.

Dinner on the road was always what my heart desired. I'm not a fan of sleeping in most motels, dealing with different beds and different showers, not to mention vacation means waking up early to make the most of the day. So for me it meant a lot to end my day well fed. Most dinners consisted of some type of meat and fries. These aren't home cooked dinners in the least and were probably all over 750 calories, but I'm not going to go crazy over that. Instead I'm going to summarize my vacation choices as better than they used to be. If you think about it, eating at restaurants 3 times a day for a week, I only managed to put on 2 lbs. That's not bad at all! My only concern now will be adjusting to smaller portions and snacks being available at home.

Vacation Treats

My vacation wasn't just about the day to day meals either. I had three additional treats that were a must have while on the road. In Maine I had a Lobster Roll, despite the fact I only like tuna fish, sushi, shrimp, and crab cakes. When in Maine! Like salmon, it didn't really have much taste. The actual Lobster roll was buttered lobster in a bread roll. I had seen signs for lobster rolls all over Maine, mostly in pizzerias. Although I ate at the "Maine Diner," I was expecting something like a chicken roll but with lobster instead. I probably would have liked it better from a pizzeria. Who knows?

Next stop was Boston for some New England Clam Chowder at Cheers. I had my first New England clam chowder in Dutch Country, PA as a kid and have loved it ever since. It tasted just as amazing in Boston. It's a shame canned chowder doesn't taste the same. Finally, I had some fudge. My parents and I split the piece of fudge 3 ways and enjoyed the small portion thoroughly. During past vacations, a larger piece of fudge would have been purchased. I feel like my family as a whole did well.

Active Vacation

While much of my vacation consisted of driving to tourist spots to take pictures, I did manage to have three very physical days of activities. My first hard core leg workout was at The Lost River Gorge & Boulder Caves in Kinsman Notch, New Hampshire. They call it a ¾ mile journey, but almost every step was literally on an actual step up or down, wrapping around the mystic Lost River. Along the way there were caves with varying degrees of difficulty starting at moderate difficulty. I went into a cave or two, but the medium level involved me crawling on the ground. I'm a little claustrophobic and wished I had someone with me to hold my hand through it. My dad is in his 50s and definitely wasn't going to crawl through the caves. The scenery was still beautiful though.

The very next day we continued traveling through the White Mountain Forest of New Hampshire stopping at different "waterfall" locations. Some were more clearly waterfalls than others, but gorgeous none the less. I'm obsessed with water and climbed the rocks to get as close to the waterfalls as possible. Each section of the river had rocks varying at different heights and my legs got an even more serious workout. The pain in my calves was worth it though. The next day was my day of rest, which involved climbing to the top of the Portland Observatory in Maine. It wasn't a difficult climb, but it kept me moving.

My final major workout was climbing the Bunker Hill Monument in Boston, all 294 stairs up and then 294 stairs back down. I definitely felt my heart racing because there was no place to stop along the way and only one side had a hand rail. Every time I person passed in the opposite direction I felt like I had to hold the wall for balance. I wish I had brought water with me but I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Let's just say the Bunker Hill Monument is heart healthy.

After being out of breath while climbing 294 stairs straight to the top, I'm going to try to translate that into an equivalent amount of time of a maximum incline on the treadmill. Now that I'm back home, I will also be searching for local tourist attractions including local rivers that can supply the same type of workout and enjoyment that New Hampshire did for me. Any interesting spots in New Jersey for a beginner?

Week 3 resulted in 181.5 lbs.

Week 2: Feeling Enlightened

My life is generally sedentary, but with recent exercise I would place myself a step above that. This week I continued my plan of action, smaller portions and less snacks. On days that I don't exercise, I don't seem to feel as hungry. While I didn't exercise every day this week, the 4 times I did so was at an increased speed of 3.2 mph for a total of 40 minutes each day. My knees have definitely felt the .2 difference and I'm considering walking at my previous 3 mph this week to let my muscles rest.

This week has been somewhat eventful for me. I went out 3x, in what could have been potentially stressful situations, and ended up having a thoroughly good time. On the 3rd of July I went to my sister's BBQ. She made less food than she normally does and I ended up eating less because of it. It also helped that I woke up late and didn't have breakfast at home, which is probably the reason why the second brownie didn't do any damage. Afterward, the group went to the movies to see Transformers 2 (great movie), and I only had a handful of popcorn.

On Sunday I went dress and swimsuit shopping, as I mentioned in the last post, which really put me in a good mood. It even caused me to venture outside of my comfort zone later in the night. My friends occasionally go to clubs along the shore where all of the heavy hitters go. By heavy hitters, I mean those that tan often, wear the latest trends, best hair styles, and have toned bodies. The idea of that alone usually makes me turn down any opportunity to go to the shore.

RANT: Guys and Weight Loss

I understand the obsession to look hot, as I have this obsession too, but those people that go around talking about it are sick self gratification seekers. When I was a size 5 I never sought attention, but appreciated the compliments when I got them. I didn't talk about weight loss, but if I had, at least it would have been slightly acceptable because that's a "girl thing" to do. When a guy obnoxiously flexes his muscles and discusses a protein shake or loses weight and discusses how much he weighs, it makes me sick. Too many people go around with that "look at me" attitude. Guys aren't supposed to be obsessed with losing weight and demanding attention. Whenever I hear a guy mention the word weight, I lose interest in him immediately. It's one thing if you are 20+lbs over weight. Even then I would rather the guy act like a teddy bear and lose the weight without a discussion.

The guys that really aggravate me are the ones who have nothing to lose. The more guys I talk to, the more I notice their sick obsession with self image. It's disgusting. Just like a guy doesn't want to hear about a girls period, that is the way I feel about guys talking about weight. Shut up or get lost! I never talk about weight even with my girl friends because I think weight conversations are selfish as in they are all about self. Guys who only want "self" conversations aren't datable.

End of discussion.

Conveniently after posting this rant, the episode of Family Guy where Peter becomes obsessed with his looks came on TV.

Despite my intimidation, I decided to drive an hour down the shore to join my friends and was able to just live completely in the moment. It's been a while since I felt that way. My happiness high from that night is still going forward although at a decreasing rate. I didn't feel judged like I do when I hang out on the Island, where everyone knows everyone. Maybe for me the shore is a mini vacation from reality, I just have to make sure I don't become a regular.

My actual vacation isn't coming at the best time. I'm feeling more social at the moment and a vacation for me tends to be a solitude journey, along with the family. My biggest concern about this vacation is that I'll be leaving on Friday morning and possibly gone until Wednesday. I'm going to have to find some way of making up for almost a weeks worth of missed time. I'm concerned that missed exercise and road trip dining will not only stunt my progress, but make me "fall off the wagon" altogether. I don't want to think about it too much at the moment though.

4th of July Bodies:

Jessica Simpson sporting an American Flag Bikini

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Clip of Megan Fox from Transformers 2

I used to be jealous of hot celebrity bodies, but I've decided to appreciate them because they were sculpted to look that way by dedicated individuals. I too would like to be a dedicated individual and will therefore use images of bodies that I admire to work toward my goal. When I want something unhealthy, I'll replace the image with a celebrity body that I wish to have and hopefully that will curb my hunger.

Anyone can be skinny at any age, you just need dedication and self control.

Week 2 resulted in 179.5 lbs.